Zach Attack!

Whatever you do. DO NOT DANCE IN A SNUGGIE.

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 02:44:40 -0500

Whatever you do. DO NOT DANCE IN A SNUGGIE.

Tales from the psych ward...

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 00:46:06 -0500

It’s been a good week in the hospital. Gather round y’all while I share two quick stories.

Our first client yesterday became agitated during her assessmet and climbed on top of the desk yelling, “MICKEY MOUSE IS A BITCH! OBAMMMMA!!! OBAMMMAAAA!” She wouldn’t come down until we promised to call her lawyer. Who was her lawyer you ask? Fidel Castro!

The last client of the night was an EXTREMELY agitated 65-year-old female presenting as religiously and sexually preoccupied. She stripped naked in incoming and started calling the staff racist. When we brought her to the back and tried to calm her down by asking if her dog was sweet she replied, “You wouldn’t know sweet if it was in front of your face! If it was your daddy’s dick!” then she punched our nurse in the chest. After sedating her the last thing I heard her say was something about a dead dog and an orgasm.

I love my job.

Photo

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:56:25 -0500

Awesome Hand Painting

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:54:20 -0500

Awesome Hand Painting

Chirp chirp! Chirp chirp!

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 01:48:48 -0500

Chirp chirp! Chirp chirp!

I love cats!

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 00:45:53 -0500

I love cats!

thethreelaws: CATS IN SPACE Thanks NASA!!!

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:52:48 -0500

thethreelaws:

CATS IN SPACE

Thanks NASA!!!

Photo

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 21:32:54 -0400

A client just told me...

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:42:00 -0400

I looked like I should work at Abercrombie. She was psychotic so I don’t know if that was win or fail.

Look! Its old school justinjustin and theamandashow!

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 17:37:10 -0400

Look! Its old school justinjustin and theamandashow!

Magneto has always been my favorite comic book character.

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 07:12:00 -0400

Magneto has always been my favorite comic book character.

Obsessed.

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 06:54:08 -0400

Obsessed.

Sometimes I think that my clients with auditory or visual hallucinations...

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 17:53:00 -0400

have tapped into something supernatural which I cannot possibly comprehend.

That is terrifying.

I WORK IN THE REAL LIFE ARKHAM ASYLUM.

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 15:42:49 -0400

For realz y’all. Last night I saw the Penguin.

Broke my heart...

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 18:39:00 -0400

Last night I had a client who overdosed on his anti-psychotic meds prescribed to combat “unwanted homosexual thoughts.” He wasn’t trying to kill himself, they just weren’t working fast enough so he took two doses.

The saddest part? He’s been diagnosed with Schizophrenia, Paranoid Type. The reason? He hears voices, specifically of Jesus, telling him he’s going to hell for having these thoughts. That isn’t schizophrenia, that’s guilt.

I changed the diagnosis to Bipolar NOS, so for the briefest of moments he has an accurate diagnosis.

What kind of world do we live in when you’d rather be diagnosed with schizophrenia than be gay?

HAPPY 21st Scott!!!

Fri, 04 Sep 2009 02:38:09 -0400

HAPPY 21st Scott!!!

ATTN: Comic Book Loving Tumblrs

Sun, 30 Aug 2009 18:33:25 -0400

I’m thinking about getting into comic books again. The problem is that I haven’t read a comic book since the ’90s and the thought of jumping back in is intimidating. I think I’m going to try to track down the Blackest Night stories since I’m not too late in the game…plus I want those power rings.

What do you suggest my dear Tumblrs?

This is my little bro (and his girlfriend). He’s a...

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 21:08:29 -0400

This is my little bro (and his girlfriend). He’s a firefighter!!!!

Seriously though, I love him. He’s the funniest person I know and I am so incredibly proud of him.

Winkers Jeans! I’m getting all my lady friends a pair for...

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 12:08:00 -0400

Winkers Jeans!

I’m getting all my lady friends a pair for Christmas!

Reason I love my job...

Sat, 15 Aug 2009 17:17:47 -0400

A client was involuntarily admitted by the police yesterday because (direct quote from the client) “his cock is so large it can hurt people, is a weapon, and on his leg.” When he arrived he became depressed because he wasn’t allowed to have sex with others on the unit. Awesome.